Physical facilities and Relationship

Human being wants to live with happiness and a feeling of prosperity, and he wants continuity of both. Only right understanding and samadhan can ensure right feelings and its continuity. And in order to achieve samadhan man needs right understanding, relationships and physical facilities.

There is a general belief that relationships can be achieved through physical facilities and so all our efforts goes into accumulation of  physical facilities, which in the end does not result in fulfilling the basic values of relationship. Ill explain with an example. We all try to get respect (and also reciprocate) through physical facilities but we fail. We can never ensure the continuity of respect. At best what we get is a temporary feeling of respect and even in that somewhere deep within we are aware of its non-permanency. We are also aware of the fact that the respect given to us is not for our individuality but for the physical facilities we own.

I have personally asked many people whether the problems in their family are due to lack of physical facilities or lack of relationships among family members. Almost all have answered that its due to lack of relationship. And then when pointed to the fact that most of their time and effort goes for accumulation of physical facilities and very little effort is spent to resolve relationships they all seem to agree (with a sense of astonishment). It seems they never thought about such an obvious fact. If we look at the modern society all our education, training and effort is concentrated on physical facilities where as the major source of unhappiness is the inhuman behavior and character of human beings, which no one seem to pay any attention to. That is precisely why it becomes all the more important to understand what relationship is, what human behavior is.

 

On the basis of physical facilities one cannot ensure relationship ( and its continuity). This is because the feelings coming due to physical facilities does not have a continuity in them, for example I may wear a pair of clothes to get respect. The other person might even appreciate them ( and through them me) for the first time he meets me, but on second meeting he may not even notice my clothes. Such an act will therefore leave me perturbed and confused and as a result I may arrive to a conclusion that I would need unlimited amount of clothes to ensure the feeling of respect from him. This would unknowingly put me into the cycle of consumerism.

Physical facilities can at best influence ( or sometimes even dominate ) the other person, but they can never ensure a feeling of assurance in relationship. Absence of this assurance always leads to an element of doubt. This doubt is the seed of fear, which ultimately leads to our unhappiness.

What is really required in a relationship is this feeling of assurance ( that the other is for my happiness, just like I’m for his), and this assurance gives us happiness and its continuity. Wherever the feeling of assurance is lacking or there is a relationship based on conditions (more like a contract) it gives rise to doubt, which leads to fear.

To feel assured in a relationship one must understand the basic values in relationship, evaluate them and express them. This leads to happiness in oneself which in turn leads to happiness in the other. This is what is being called justice in relationship. When we try to understand relationship we find that there are basically 9 values in relationship, namely Trust ( vishwas ), Respect ( sammaan ), Affection ( sneh ), Care ( mamta ), Guidance ( vatsalya ), ( shraddha ), Glory ( gaurav ), ( kritagyata ) and Love ( prem ). These values are called sthapit ( established ) values as they are there. We always have an acceptance and expectation of them. We don’t have to create these values, only understand them and express them.

To understand relationship and its values it becomes essential to first understand a human being. A human being is a co-existence of consciousness ( I ) and body and when we understand this co-existence we realize that the relation is between I & I and not between two bodies. The feelings in relation is for one I by the other I. when the feeling is in my I, then I get happy and when I express it, the other I gets happy. In this the body may only be used to express the feelings, but the feelings are in I.

 

Trust is regarded as the base value. This is because unless we have the feeling of trust in a relationship we cannot think about other values. Trust basically means to feel assured. To feel assured that the other person is for my happiness, just the way I’m for his. If we ask ourselves and if we refer to our natural acceptance ( sahaj swikriti ), we find that we want to live happily and we also want to help the other live happily. Similarly the other would want to live happily and also help me live happily. When such a feeling comes, then we feel assured towards the other or in other words we trust the other.

Similarly respect ( sammaan ) is when we try to evaluate the other person on the basis of his consciousness ( I ). We find that in terms of goal, means to achieve the goal, capacity to achieve the goal his I and my I are the same. And so in that respect we are like one another. On that basis we can rightly evaluate the other ( his intention and competence ) and thus have a feeling of respect for him. Once the feeling of trust and respect are ensured, then we can go about ensuring other values in the relationship. And therefore we truly become competent for the relationship. Instead of expecting the feelings, the values from the other, for the first time we are in a situation where we can offer these feelings to the other.

So the basis of relationship is not physical facilities but the understanding of relationships. When we understand the relationship, we can then go about fulfilling it and then for the first time we can get an idea of how much of physical facilities is required. and to ensure that together we can put our effort and work on nature. For the first time we can produce more than what is required and thus have a feeling of prosperity.

So if we understand relationship, if we understand the innate values in it, we evaluate and live in relationship, we then work for universal happiness. Our natural acceptance is to live in relation with one and everyone and as our competence keeps increasing, we keep getting the feeling of being related to every man on earth. And so we start from family but do not fall short before world family. This is the feeling of Love ( prem ). It is the feeling of love which becomes the basis of undivided society ( vasudev kutumbkam ).

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